After-Action Report

Well, the dust has long settled. Let me give you the recap.

On Day 46, UMB attended his final Halloween tour stop at Mullerween 4 in Cherry Hill, NJ.
Thrilled to see Dragon Dragon there.

Quite a crowd in attendance.

UltraHandtis photo bomb.

Using dark powers to keep the chiminea nice and toasty.

Discussing lofty matters of state with Empress Nympho.

All was going splendidly until this Aryan Ape showed up playing the BDK theme music through his phone. UMB visibly aggravated. But it wasn't simple taunting, it was the precursor to...

AN AMBUSH!

By none other than BDK bigwig Claudio Castagnoli!

The schmoz continues. Later they would agree to cease actual violence, though the rivalry continued at the Beirut table.
Stephanie teaches Mantis how to cook by the book.

UMB and his totem lay a wicked curse on the camera lens.

(Let me stop right here and give one more shout-out to Fae's Fashions who put that getup together. She is hella talented and did all of this with my clumsily-taken self-measurements and a handful of photographs and videos.)

UltraMantis Black vanished into the night sometime after the first 2 AM (daylight savings ended). It was at that point that "I" showed up to the party, and got to hang out with a lot of friends that "I" hadn't hung out with in a month.

I spent the next day diving headfirst into everything I'd kept myself from for the previous 7 weeks. Starting with a Mc10:35, on to the sports bar for a whole pile of non-vegan food, ended the day with a McRib (which is TERRIBLE, like rubber cement slathered in roof tar).

The next morning I woke up at 4 AM in a cold sweat, feeling awful. I called out of work but I kept on.

That was the first day, but for over a week afterwards I pretty much made a hit list of foods and methodically went around murdering them. At the end of the week, I felt like total crap. I realized how much healthier I felt in general during Project UMB, and starting back in on meat and dairy had made me feel sluggish and just crummy overall. I began making plans for a full-on return to veganism after the holidays.

At the time of this writing, I've scaled back the non-vegan consumption a good bit and it's helped noticeably. I'm still considering a return to veganism in the medium term, but it's looking more like I might have the discipline to actually strike some kind of reasonable middle ground. In the health aspect, Project UMB really showed me how a vegan diet (or, at least, a less non-vegan one) can be a positive thing for me.

Perhaps predictably, though, I never quite came around to identify with the ethical motivation that most (all?) vegans have. As Project UMB demonstrated, if something cannot be done to the absolute one hundred goddam percent, I probably don't have any interest in doing it at all. And the bottom line is that there is no way that any human being can completely avoid exploiting or harming animals, whether directly or by the nth-degree association that is common in many vegan prohibitions (i.e. "cigarettes aren't vegan because most of them contain honey, and even the organic brands like American Spirit that don't still are represented by the tobacco lobby that also represents tobacco companies that do use honey and also test their products on animals." That's a paraphrase). At some point, every vegan has to make the conscious choice to continue doing something that hurts animals, such as driving or riding in vehicles that emit toxic fumes and travel fast enough to goosh bugs on windshields. Some vegans will make it further than others in this regard, but eventually, they will all draw a line. But that's why I am not a vegan. Everybody carries their banners as far as they feel they need to.

Anyway, as a nice epilogue to all of this, I went to my second CHIKARA show last weekend, at the Arena (or the Asylum Arena or whatever it is) in Philadelphia. Simply the most fun I've ever had at a thing, with the possible exception of Electric Six at the North Star Bar circa late 2005. Every single match (except Kingston-Homicide, yawn) was spectacular, but obviously, one outshone all the others for me.

While I had met UltraMantis Black at my first show, he did not wrestle that night, just signed autographs and sold merch. But last weekend, he did wrestle...oh yes he did. And not just any match either, but a falls-count-anywhere against BDK leader Ares.

It was transcendent. We didn't get a chance to savor his entrance music much, for he got straight down to business, charging the ring and WHIPPING A CARTON OF SOY MILK AT ARES' FACE. And it just got better from there. They brawled pretty much everywhere inside the Arena, and for a decent stretch actually went at it on the pavement of Ritner Street. As soon as the action left the ring, the crowd just collected into a mob that followed the action around, and I think it must have been someone right next to me who took this picture:
Unfortunately, through shady officiating by BDK referee Derek Sabato, interference by Tursas, and the mysterious withdrawal of UMB's backup, my idol lost the match after eating a Praying Mantis Bomb, his own finishing move, onto a chair in the middle of the ring. He lost that day, but he will have his say in the end. I already have my tickets for the season finale in Reading in a couple of weeks, and I can't wait.

Still, I have to say that, while I certainly revel in his triumphs and bemoan his defeats, it almost doesn't matter to me whether he wins or loses, because he does either in an equally spellbindingly awesome fashion. There's nobody else whose identity I'd rather have stolen for Halloween this year (at least...that costume ain't goin' nowhere!).

If you've been reading this blog the last 4 months, hey, thanks for hanging around for the adventure. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did (HA!). I'm still waiting on a couple more pictures, and when I get em I'll post em. And if I go vegan again, whether for good or because next year or the year after I have decided to do Project UMB Redux, I'll be back here, but otherwise, this is pretty much it. So, cheers!

May the new sunlight guide you.

Day 47: Yes! You Thought Otherwise!

So, here we are, nearly at the end of the road. Tomorrow night is party #4, and my final stop. I hope there are more pictures taken at this one than there were at party #3, of which I have seen zero. Hopefully some will crop up later. Tell you what though, #3 was my favorite so far. UltraMantis Black teamed up with Little John to dish out some punishment at the Beirut table and slung on a bass guitar to jam it out with Chet Wingspan on drums and some Hindu from Saturday Night Fever on gee-tar. After what felt like an hour and a half, I looked up and it was 3:30 AM. Great party.

On the vegan front, well, it's going. Not easily. I'd expected it to be harder at the outset, and then easier as time went on. Instead, it's turning out the opposite way. Way back around Day 9, veganism was an exciting new world where blue was yellow and the sky was filled with oceans. Now blue is blue but all my suits are brown, and it's just raining all the damn time. Even places like the Green House in Collingswood, NJ or Sticky Rice on H Street in Washington, DC, which do amazing things with vegan cuisine, increasingly just instill me with a craving for meat. Something like this:

We'll reassess on Sunday morning. Anyway, CHIKARA update! UltraMantis Black bravely led his squadron into battle against the vile BDK at the Dark Ciberknetico. UMB did a tremendous job with the heavy lifting, eliminating his former slave/teammate Delirious as well as BDK frontman Ares with devastating Praying Mantis Bombs. In the end, it came down to Eddie Kingston and Tursas, and Kingston won, also managing to be the first wrestler in CHIKARA ever to knock Tursas down. I would have liked to see a different outcome, as I'm not the biggest fan of Kingston, but the important thing is that UMB's plan to defeat the BDK succeeded. We'll now see how the aftermath turns out, as he'll now be facing Ares one-on-one in a falls-count-anywhere match in Philadelphia on November 21st, and his 2010 Cibernetico and long-lost Dark Breed teammate Hallowicked (at BDK Director of Fun Dieter Von Stiegerwalt's cruel whim) at the season finale in Reading on December 12.

Now then...remember, way back in July when I put up that trailer for the wrestlinginterviews.com UltraMantis Black interview? How about in August when I tracked down its source and the obstacles keeping it from the adoring masses? Well...it seems that when Project UMB brings all its weapons to bear, none can long withstand its barrage of annoying pesterings!* It give me immense joy to present to you...THE COMPLETE WRESTLINGINTERVIEWS.COM ULTRAMANTIS BLACK INTERVIEW!!

Pottsie's hot dogs?? If he's talking about the same Pottsie's that I'm thinking of, the only one in southeastern Pennsylvania (or, uh, the world) to my knowledge, he may have grown up within about three miles of my own ancestral home...

Wow. I wish I could have seen this earlier in the project, I would have done a few things differently. I did pretty much nail the breakfast, though.

Watching this entire interview has made me burst out in amazed laughter at many points, but maybe my loudest would have been at his response to the "favorite villains growing up" question.

*Seriously, thanks to ChikaraThemes for presumably prying this from Vin Gerard's cold, dead hands.

Day 38: Urutoramantisu Burakku!

I expected veganism to get more difficult within the first month, and after that, it'd be smooth sailing. It's almost been the opposite. Just when I figure I'm safe because I can't even remember what meat tastes like, and I don't even think about pounding almond milk anymore, I drooled uncontrollably through the NFL games last weekend because of the meat present and yesterday in class I stared down a plate of cupcakes (which I normally don't even like that much!) for 8.5 hours. I can do this.

Wanna see a great promo? Here's a great promo. And it's not even against another wrestler. It's against a band, The Deadites, that (I think) is doing the soundtrack for the upcoming game Rudo Resurrection Forever, wherein CHIKARA ant-stable The Colony fights against a zombie army that UltraMantis Black raised to fight the BDK, but turned on him. The Deadites, a group of self-described monster-hunting electronic musicians, are having a Halloween show in Worcester, MA this Saturday, and UltraMantis Black has decided that their influence has grown quite enough.



Ok, now who wants to see some pictures from this past Saturday?

UMB enjoying a Sapporo with Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Waldo, Michael McDonald, Kenny Loggins, The Bee, and Frederica Kruger.

UMB looks on in quiet seething anger as Rasputin assists Waldo's shot of Dr. McGillicuddy's Menthol Mint Schnapps with some nice cruelty-tinged choco sauce.

This looks very Voldemort, but that is not a wand. That is a straw that UMB requires to drink his Japanese Temple Tallboys. He was gesturing towards something.

NONE MAY FIND WALDO!

In deep contemplation, pondering whether it is time to get down.

...IT IS!!!

Day 34: Surface Tension

Party #2 is tonight, 150 miles north of my current position. I'm chomping my nails (we've been over this, cannibalism is vegan) in anxiety because the costume was due to arrive in the mail yesterday and is not here yet. CanadaPost claims it was checked into the delivery facility this morning. The daily mail hasn't come to the apartment building yet today. The post office itself is closed. I have one chance.

But I have gotten ahead of the story, which I have been unable to keep this blog updated with. Doing so will keep my mind off the pressure of the situation.

Thank Baphomet For NAFTA
If you've seen the many videos and such I have posted and linked here depicting your favorite insectoid luchador and mine, you know that his is a wardrobe that cannot be emulated by a trip to any typical retail establishment, or even an extraordinary retail establishment. The vast majority of the costume requires a custom job. Custom-made clothes. Just like that.



Fortunately, I happen to have an existing working relationship with an entity capable of producing this. I speak of Fae's Fashions, a one-woman operation based in the Toronto area. I first got in touch with "Fae" in 2008, when I had set my heart on rocking the Travis Touchdown persona for Halloween. Observe the subject:

Fae was the only one I encountered in my internet searchings that had successfully reproduced Mr. Touchdown's trademark jacket.

I immediately contracted her services, and the jacket was everything I'd hoped it would be. Naturally, then, she was my go-to when this year's goal became apparent.

Oop, the USPS just arrived, with a rather large box from Canada for me. It's time to do this. But before I go, it would be rude of me to not post any gems from Party #1 before leaving for Party #2. Here's a couple.

Day 24: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Day 15: Start Spreading The News

This past weekend, I went up to New York City. My ostensible purpose was to visit some dear friends and in one weekend, wreak unto that city the combined sundering of the Blackout of 1977, the Trash Strike of 2006, the Draft Riots of 1863, and the Great Fire of 1835. I'd say I managed about 70% of the ruin I was capable of. Clearly I'll have to return soon and finish what I started.

But an only slightly lesser goal was to get a rich sampling of vegan cuisine, and few municipalities would I trust to furnish me with such more than the most tight-assed on the eastern seaboard (or the world?).

After riding a Megabus (I'm not even going to get into what a nightmare that bus line was, both up and back, never ride them) to midtown, and a train to Harlem, I was greeted on the street by a parade of demigoddesses bearing a slice of vegan birthday cake, candles and all. Promptly devoured. Delicious! Not quite Vegan Treats, but hella good.

In the morning, I ate a bagel from H&H Bagel Co, straight up, sitting on a barrier in the middle of 7th Avenue (I think that's what it was). I almost got clipped by a Mini.

Lunch, pita bites and edamame hummus from Trader Joe's. For like 3 bucks. And they said NYC was expensive.

For the big dinner, a pack of us went out to Soy & Sake, a very nice vegan-friendly Japanese restaurant in the Chelsea district of lower Manhattan. I had a vegetarian sushi plate and raced through an excellent martini called a Dirty Samurai (3 soy vodka, organic sake, olive juice). A fitting way to start, since throughout the night's succeeding events, I then proceeded to channel my inner Zatoichi.

In the morning, we went out for brunch at The Sunburnt Calf, a cozy Australian joint in midtown. Surprisingly, they were able to accommodate me with a veggie burger. They also gave us free shots (like four rounds??) while we waited for our table, those Aussies can party! Had to make frequent runs a few doors down to the sports bar to watch the Steelers. I blacked out for a decent long stretch there, which is a shame because apparently I missed a black-and-gold bedecked demi-mantis showing up and drinking my Bloody Marys.



Speaking of, there's been precious little UltraMantis Black up on here since Project UMB kicked into gear. Time to fix that. As CHIKARA moves into the last phase of the season, it has become necessary to update everyone on the many storylines that will be coming to a head. To that end, CHIKARA has released some "Previously On" videos. These are exceptional, and you can see the very obvious love of all things comic-book shining through. UMB figures pretty prominently throughout the first vid, and towards the end of the second (especially the Mussolini-like address at about 5:02).

Day 9: I'll TAKE It!

Bacon Water Is A Real Thing
So, as I mentioned yesterday, there's a small office lunch outing tomorrow. I did some advance work tonight, calling the BBQ joint to ask them all the questions I'd rather not hold everyone up asking tomorrow. Lasted about 30 seconds.

Self: "You guys fry the french fries in the same oil as the meat?"
Employee: "Yeah."
Self: "Do you load your mashed potatoes?"
Employee: "There's cream in 'em."
Self: "Thanks, that's all I need to know."

Hello, green salad.


I Guess I Can't Watch "Footloose"
In CHIKARA news, UltraMantis Black has been steadily building his squad to take on the amassed BDK for The Dark Ciberknetico in Easton next month. So far he's got Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, Icarus, and STIGMA (formerly Shane Storm). UMB is heavily pitching Hallowicked, but the Great Pumpkin is not biting.

This still leaves a couple spots. Eddie Kingston wants in, but UMB is not interested. Odds are looking like Quackenbush will convince Hallowicked to join on the condition that Kingston join as well. And that still leaves one slot open...how many CHIKARA originals are left to be recruited? Fans who remember that far back say it'll be either Larry Sweeney or Chris Hero. I don't know much about Sweeney, but I do know a thing or two about Hero. He's all kinds of close with BDK stalwart Claudio Castagnoli over in Ring Of Honor (where they currently hold the tag belts as the Kings Of Wrestling), and I bet it would be appealing to both of them to work on opposite sides of the ring for a change, and that pop would be HUGE. Here, look. Here's them going on a road trip, along with BDK schildmaid Sara Del Rey.



Anything Shy Of Cease-And-Desist And A Restraining Order
Oh, and here I've saved the best for last. So, obviously, Project UMB has demonstrated my belief that if a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing to the greatest measure possible. In this context, that certainly includes presenting it to the man(tis) who inspired it all, and what with social networks and CHIKARA being relatively small and very fan-friendly by any stretch, it was a definite possibility. I debated for a time whether I should wait until closer to the Halloweens to send it, but as Shakespeare says, if you're going to do a thing you might just as well pop right at it and get it over.* So I sent him the link, along with some flowery words of support for the struggle against the BDK and a quote from The Art of War. About two weeks later, the reply:

I am in awe of your journal! Perplexed slightly - but in awe!

Clearly the highest praise I could ever have possibly expected to receive. HUZZAH!



*Wodehouse, Sir Pelham Grenville. "Jeeves and the Yule-Tide Spirit". Liberty, Dec 24, 1927.

Day 8: Release The Rice-A-Roni From Cruel Captivity

Finally, early on Day 7, I was able to back the truck up to the grocery store and just load my poor sedan down with vegan-friendly cousine. And today, I had my first PBJ in...I don't even know how long. And it was delicious.

There's a birthday in the office, and on Day 10 we're going to a BBQ-type joint for lunch. These are people that don't know me very well yet, and mmmmmmaybe one of the first personal things they find out about me shouldn't be the finer details of Project UMB, which might just come forth once I order a house salad sans cheese amidst their bleeding ribs and cheeseburgers and such. We'll see how it goes.

So tonight, being deprived for the first time in nearly 2 years of the pleasure of cooking the San Francisco Treat for my evening repast, I turned instead to a recipe for vegan chili recently thrown together for me by a friend of mine over at this inebriate-friendly cooking blog. Despite my total lack of cooking instinct, it was good enough to get a decent-tasting dish out of me. Oh, I was missing an ingredient or two, and I threw some pasta in to account for the lack of thickening that meat's supposed to cause (apparently they call that "Cincinnati Chili"), but on the whole it turned out very well, and that's now 8 days in the books that I am getting by just fine without the pillaged spoils of Kingdom Animalia.

Day 6: I Think I'm On Some Kind Of List

So, a couple weeks ago, UMB's Ministry of Propaganda (twitter feed) issues this communique:



And, strapped for cash though I may be, couldn't resist the offer. So I promptly put my Order in. (nyuk nyuk nyuk)

Couple days later, I got a package in the mail with the following contents:

Shirt, one: displaying Order Baphomet logo.
Sticker, one: displaying two cartoon mice and the slogan "100% Cruelty Free"
1980s WCW Trading Card, three: Lex Luger, Teddy Long, Jimmy "Jam" Garvin.
1980s WWF Trading Card, one: Ax of Demolition.
Issue, one: Bite Back Magazine, a must-see-it-to-believe-it publication tracking and advocating eco-terrorism, heavily sponsored by the organizations ELF and ALF (which I'd learned about during a paper I wrote on domestic terrorism like 7 years ago).

Crazy shit! It's a...bit too radical for me, but as with every other part of this project it's a new perspective all the same and at the very least, helpful character research.

Day 4

So, here we are. Been going pretty strong since Monday, so far, so good. I haven't even been craving meat, but as I posit about all cravings, once you want something even more that is mutually exclusive of that craving, it's the easiest thing in the world to avoid.

I also started the new job on Monday, so changing my environment helped with the dietary transition. There's a bunch of food places downstairs, which fortunately have kept me stocked with lunches on hummus stuff and salads and the like. And I have enjoyed them. But they are EXPENSIVE as hell.

Normally I'd bring my lunch, but my local supermarket has seen fit to spend the WHOLE DAMN WEEK resurfacing their parking lot. Open spaces are hard enough to come by but now it's just impossible, and for once it's the kind of trip where I need all the space in my car. Or at least more space than a backpack or three. I'm gonna have to take care of that come Saturday (Day 6), or else I will go broke in a big effing hurry.

Dinners have been even more costly but more delicious as well. Crystal City's famous Kabob Palace does more than skewer God's beasts, they make awesome rice and chick peas. Unfortunately I also have to pass up their sauce, it's like tzaziki, I forget what they call it but it's really good, unfortunately it involves yogurt. Oh, and then last night I walked into a pizza joint and got a tomato pie, just pizza without cheese, and had em throw on some mushrooms and onions. Fact: Liked it more than most cheese pizza I've ever had.

Cereal and soy milk is pretty delicious. Haven't been drinking much coffee because I'm trying to become less dependent, but I still drink some. And that means that I have now become that guy I always made fun of at Starbucks, ordering his Grande Soy Latte and getting snippy when they've run out of raw sugar.

On The Eve Of Battle

Hey all, and self, tomorrow it begins in earnest. I'm sitting here packed full of meat and dairy, and right now I feel like I don't want to eat any of those things ever again. Or eat anything at all ever again.

It was my birthday this weekend, and so I did a lot of traveling, a lot of socializing, and almost no sitting still and taking stock of things.

Last week I started a new job, very exciting but it cut VERY deeply into the time I'd normally spend putting up blog posts and telling everyone how many more runs the Phillies scored than the Pirates each week.

And now, I'm so stuffed I can barely sit up, but I will simply report that I'm ready to do this shit. Fun updates coming this week, which could probably lumped into a running featurette called "Guess What's Coming In The Mail". But much to discuss.

Excited.

Don't Tell Me Any More About These Non-Vegan Donuts

I had some Dunkin Donuts this morning, and though it's been...what, a month since I had those donuts from Vegan Treats, I can still say without question that they are better than the Dunkin variety.

Life On The Road, Kage, Life On The Road

The most important part of prepping for the upcoming switch to veganism (10 days, shit) is the modification of my daily self-prepared meals. However, this was also the easiest part to research, as all it really took was the subbing of milk and pork. I eat string cheese at lunch usually, but I don't mind just dropping that altogether.

I travel often on the weekends, even moreso during the run-up to Halloween what with my birthday and 4 costume parties (and hopefully counting) on 4 weekends. That means that for at least 2 days and nights per week I've got to sustain myself on restaurant and convenience-store food. VERY little of what I get in those situations is vegan. Fortunately, I've found some pretty impressive websites to help me out. Get ready to be bookmarked on my smartphone!

First, there's I Can't Believe It's Vegan, which is part of PETA's website. They have an impressive list of food arranged by category (Dry breakfast, snacks, baked goods, etc.) that is PETA-approved. Is there a vegan authority out there more tight-assed than PETA? Probably not, so I'd say this list seems pretty safe. Thing I love most about it: Fritos are vegan! Me and Howard Hughes are thrilled (oh, he's totally still alive).

Also frigging critical is Vegan Fast Food Options, a continuously-updated post from the blog My Life As A Vegan which lists the vegan options from a very long list of fast-food restaurants.

Most of them involve specially ordering things. Vegan nachos are pretty funny, they require the removal of everything that makes them nachos. Jack Nicholson would have made a great vegan.



I understand that for many vegans, simply giving money to McD and BK is an abhorrent thing, regardless of what's in the food they order, and I can sympathize with that a lot more easily than I can with the honey thing or the procreation thing. Still, I thought it was interesting to mention that the baked apple pies at McDonald's and Burger King, as well as various grocery-store-bought variants, are vegan according to these lists. That calls for a video re-posting! Poor pre-BDK Tim Donst, looks like he was on the path of righteousness after all.

Aww I Always Get Stuck With Dazzler

Between RR and Fallout: New Vegas, this is going to be one of my personal favorite gaming Autumns since...1990?

Holy Poop

CHIKARA is billed as a family-friendly wrestling promotion. In addition to being staffed and booked like a Marvel comics series, the action itself seeks to impress through technical mat mastery and high-flying lucha shenanigans. Not counting intentional slams into ringposts and rails, it is very rare that foreign objects are ever used--I only stop short of saying "never" because I watched Drake Younger put Vin Gerard in a garbage can at Chikarasaurus Rex (he might have also hit him with it, I'll have to go back and check).

This is the environment within which UltraMantis Black operates, but all that means is that he is easily underestimated. Oh, you don't think UMB can play that CZW nonsense when he has to?

Here's a highlights clip from a deathmatch he wrestled for some indy promotion called FTW (heh) in Tennessee, I'm guessing in about 2007, with two guys who both appear to be discarded jobbers from 1999 WCW. Neither of them are fit to lace UMB's boots, so my guess is that the match was part of some Neo-Solar flagellant obligation. All the highlights are worth watching, but if you're pressed for time, just skip to the Death Valley Bomb through a barbed-wire table (0:57) and the match-ending spot (1:41).

Vendedri Gras

Friday, September 17, marks the beginning of my birthday weekend, or my last as an omnivore until, at least, November 7. I've got some details sorted out, but most of the weekend is still taking shape. One thing that is certain is that there's going to be an overindulgence in meat and dairy. Fogo, Chima, Friendly's, IHOP, and more are being considered, especially after I read this article (H/T to Lumptastic Plastic).


In a eerily relevant tweet today, Vin Gerard warned me like the Ghost of Christmas Future:

"We're vegan now, baby, that's called 'seitan'. But I'll forgive you, because you sex me up. Now give me some raw sugar."

Ahma Git Up In Yo Promo Budget

So remember how back in July, I found that cool minute-long preview of the spot UltraMantis Black did for the now-defunct wrestlinginterviews.com? Well, I found it so promisingly brilliant that I actually went on a bit of a hunt through various social media to find the full version. The invaluability of Twitter really shone through. My dragnet brought in the following responses. First, from the grungily sexy host:

Wow, legit shocked anyone remembers that! Umm I'm not so much in touch w the guy who was doing them and I guess he hasn't maintained the domain. The free previews might still be up on YouTube? Honestly i wish I had copies myself!

Not much new info there. Then, from the man(tis) himself:

Probably! Contact that con-man, Vin Gerard.

Aha! And the former Equinox proved as slippery as the soap he never uses, but finally I got a response from him:

Tell @highspots to give me the money they owe me for affiliate marketing on that site and you got a deal.

Ugh. And here's where the trail is likely to turn cold. HighSpots does not appear to be anything resembling an approachable entity, and even if they were, why on earth would they ever acquiesce to paying Mr. Gerard his money so that one guy can see a video that was made years ago?


The answer: threats of litigation. I'm getting lawyers on their ass. And if I can't get lawyers, I'm getting lawyer stationery and forging very angry legal threats FedExed to their address in Charlotte, NC. And if that doesn't work, I'm getting Larry Perkins to stop by and shake 'em down. Or at least make a couple calls.

Since You Asked...

Couple weekends ago I trotted up to Bethlehem, PA to visit some old friends, enjoy Musikfest, and finally rip into what might be Vegan Treats' flagship offering:



These were the two plainest of the selection (lots of sprinkles and frosting that I left for another time). I ate the glazed donut first. It was delicious, of course, and the only difference I could note between it and its non-vegan cousins was that there was a faintly discernable bread-like resilience. Nothing drastic, just a little chewier. Which is fine by me.

Then I had the chocolate one, which was so rich I almost had trouble finishing it (and I hadn't eaten anything all day). Good lord, it was like an entire cake somehow packed into the skin of a donut. Maybe it's the result of some secret high-tech vegan device, along the lines of the tofu press. That donut seriously threw my allegiances in doubt in the whole chocolate-vanilla debate. It's probably for the best; on the basis of my vanilla preference, my mother believes the nurse switched the bassinets and I am not her biological son. Going chocolate might give me a shot at getting the Steinway in her will. Uh oh, I hope those keys aren't real ivory.


BOTTOM LINE, those vegan donuts were definitely among the best donuts I've ever eaten. I don't think I'm quite ready to say they are the best, not after just two and without having recently tasted any competition. But especially the limited scope of the vegan diet, it only takes the imagination of this ignorant brash omnivore to decide that treats like these are far and away the best-tasting things a vegan can eat. Hopefully I'll be changing my tune before too long.

Wim, Wigor, And Wegan Willains

On that long-winded and serious note, let's lighten the mood a little bit by diving into UltraMantis Black's moldy yellowed scrapbook for something out of his formative years. This video comes from the DVD of CHIKARA's "Two Eyebrows Are Better Than One", held in January 2008 in Hellertown, PA, right down the road from where I grew up.

This promo is billed as a "flashback". It features The Dark Breed, which was the tag team of UMB and Hallowicked, who were together through 2004 and part of 2005. It is introduced with haughty verve by the Very European Claudio Castagnoli, currently one of the top heels in the hated BDK faction, demanding that we get a life and watch TV. Dig especially the garage tour at 2:39 and the general annoyedness with Eddie Kingston.



Comparing it with more recent promos and commentaries, you can really see how he's progressed from a youthfully exuberant Skeletor-on-meth (also on display in his Create-A-Wrestler Vote Promo) to more of a...I don't know, maybe a Sheriff-of-Nottingham type thing?

Should They?

Now, I said back in the mission statement that I planned to keep an open mind regarding vegans and veganism, and I have done so and will continue to do so, and by the conclusion of Project UMB I expect I'll have developed a permanent empathetic (if not sympathetic) bond with the vegan community. A part of this involves setting out where my mind is at the moment with regard to that community, before attempting to chart its forward (or backward) progress.

To that end, I would like to address an article Major Bludd forwarded to me recently entitled "Should Vegans Procreate?" it doesn't have a date on it, but there are indications in the writing that suggest it was written in the 1990s. Apparently it was very controversial when it was published in The Vegan (a possibly now-defunct publication of The Vegan Society), so those two facts suggest that this article is, at the very least, not representative of the views of all vegans. That disclaimer out of the way, let's take a look.


The Greenest Gray
The article leads off with a backgrounder on the net negative impact of the human race upon the planet. Population exploding, urban sprawl, irreversible development of arable land, and so forth. Yes, all things granted. But at the time of my reading, let alone the article's writing, the entire human population of the earth could be comfortably housed in an area the size of Texas and there is such an overabundance of food crops that the US Government is still paying farmers to NOT grow things for the sake of price stability. Plus, there's the whole biofuel thing, which is not popular because of its environmentalism, but for its low cost, which is a quality tied to the supply of corn relative to demand. Sure, one day all of this will change. But at current pace, we should probably do more worrying about the sun exploding.

That said, I do sympathize somewhat. I remember seeing The Lion King when I was little, and being sad upon leaving the theatre that I did not live in a lush, pristine savanna and likely never would. Of course, these were the dreams and letdowns of a small child because that's what I was.


Free Will Got Those Minks Killed
The article goes on to refute a common defense held by vegans who favor procreation, namely, that by having children and raising them to be vegan, the net human vegan representation is increased and is thus actually a good thing. There are three reasons given by the author why this is wrong:

1) The questionable morality of imposing your beliefs on another (in this case, your child). This is an entirely foreign way of thinking to me, and reminds me of the whole honey debate. Where do you draw the line? You have to draw it somewhere. Everything we say--and do--can be seen as a challenge to another's way of thinking. Sentences later, the author suggests that the energy spent raising a child be better spent gaining mature converts and "campaigning". Imposing your beliefs on others is thus argued as immoral when it's your own child, but not when it's a faceless mass of strangers. I am reminded of Stalin's quote regarding tragedies and statistics.

2) No guarantee your child will remain a vegan. Even if you are not bothered by the idea of indoctrinating your child, it's still probably a long shot that the kid will hold fast to the things their parents try to make them do. After all, how many vegans were raised to eat meat and dairy and so forth? Most of them, probably. Their currently held beliefs were born out of rebellion, what makes you think your kids will be any different? Fair point, if that's your top concern.

3) You risk not being able to fully provide for a child. I'm trying to be considerate and not snarky but this is starting to try my patience. Good lord, nobody can promise that they'll give their kid everything he/she needs, nobody should, and to an extent it's probably for the best that they don't. Dealing with some kind of hardship growing up is not a bad thing. Look at the "Greatest Generation" that spilled out of the Great Depression. Now look at the asshole baby boomers that grew up with everything and have been screwing up the universe since the 1970s.


www.treatiseorfetus.gov
Then the author comments on the idea that procreation is a natural instinct for humans and is thus fitting and proper. While a basic urge, it is nevertheless a self-serving and ego-driven need, serving no purpose but to propogate the genes of the parents in their roundabout attempt to defy mortality. The author argues that "our greater priority must surely be to the welfare of the Earth".

I really don't understand why we should care about the welfare of the Earth if we've already accepted that we will, or at least should, cease procreating until our species is extinct and our presence in this reality utterly forgotten. Once you've come to grips with that, what else really matters? Certainly not the Earth, one terrestrial world in an infinite universe of terrestrial worlds. There are more of them than there are of us.


Tomorrow We Come Back And We Cut Off Your Johnson
But maybe I'm a bit off base there. The author does not want the human race to die out. Rather, it just needs to shrink to a great extent, or at least spread out a bit. Through a gardening analogy, the author states that a human only reaches its full potential when it gets enough attention. The present state of overcrowding prevents most children from developing a sense of moral spirituality (I find these last two ideas to be entirely without basis in fact).

In the last couple of paragraphs, the author betrays her earlier statement that she does not want the human race to die out:

What has this world, that is so far from being ideal, to offer the child you say you love and yet launch into its cold and cruel embrace? The only fact a parent can guarantee his or her child is death.

and:

Naturally we, as vegans, although we take great pleasure in the sight of gentle and beautiful farm animals, would far rather they did not exist at all. Vegans have enough love to desire their loved-ones not to feel the pains of this world.

and:

It must be said that if you, as a vegan, choose to give birth to a child and it later turns out to be a meat eater, it renders your own personal commitment completely invalid.

And it is at this point that I simply cannot take the author seriously anymore. Really? A human has nothing to contribute to the universe if he/she is an omnivore? That the idea that nonexistence (for humans AND animals!) is preferable to life and its experiences, painful and otherwise? Truly, this line of thinking is worthy of no sentiment but purest pity.

That said, the elements of the article that I do agree with fit together to form an effective argument against procreation by vegans. Vegans are born out of rebellion moreso than upbringing, and fewer human beings equals fewer animal products consumed equals a lower demand for animal products equals fewer animals slaughtered. The math works. But this idea requires the prioritizing of True Veganism at the expense of...just about everything.


The More You Know
Considering this article helped me orient myself with regard to the honey debate, as well. The fact is, every human being, by virtue of their existence on this planet, is affecting the rest of it--to an infinitesimal degree, perhaps, but is affecting it nonetheless. This unavoidably leads to the death or injury of other creatures, through no intention to do so, and in spite of intentions to do the opposite. The only way, as I see it, to really live up to the ultimate obligation of True Veganism is to launch oneself into outer space and out of Earth's orbit, so as to never risk negatively affecting the planet or anything on it again.

I'm relieved to know that this article was so hotly debated when it was published. It proves that there is a sizable demographic of sensible people within the vegan community. You can, in fact, withhold support for factory farming and other forms of cruelty-for-profit through a vegan lifestyle without advocating the extinction of mankind.

It's Spanish For "I Am Sludge"

Thing I learned this morning: soy milk settles in coffee after a time. Blech. Not a big deal, I just have to shake up the thermos before I pour.

Necessary and Caligulous

For today's video indoctrination, I present a promo from CHIKARA's 2009 season finale, "Three-Fisted Tales" back in November at the ECW Arena in South Philadelphia. At this point, the Order of the Neo-Solar Temple was at what could be described as its high-water mark, on a winning streak after UltraMantis Black used the Eye of Tyr to steal Delirious away from Team Incoherence (with Hallowicked and Frightmare). UMB is positively high on success and delivers an exemplary "hubris" promo (I would like to pour the exchange at 0:50 into a glass and drink it).



For, although the full repercussions of UMB's actions would take months to reveal themselves, that was the night that the war came to CHIKARA with the advent of the BDK (Bruderschaft Des Kreuzes, if I haven't previously mentioned), and he would be betrayed by Vokoder (BDK mole Tim Donst in disguise) and lose the Eye of Tyr. It would not be the last thing the BDK would take from him.

It's Spanish For "I Am Bomb"

So I finally got to spend a whole weekend in my apartment, no obligations to travel or do anything else, for that matter. I got to see some local friends for a change, and the rest of the time I diligently put into practice Chuck Taylor's training regimen, the video of which I put up a couple of posts ago. A great weekend.

It occurred to me that it would be a good opportunity to do some more toe-dipping into the vegan jacuzzi, so I went out and bought a carton of vanilla "Silk" brand soy milk and subbed it for my use of dairy milk all day Saturday. This was not my first experience with vegan milk, mind you. I'd had chocolate almond milk before, and I want to drown in that stuff. But it's more of a rare treat. I use a lot of milk each day and I need something that can properly cover the gap. So, I put the Silk through the three main tests:


1) Coffee. On a day off, I'll drink three cups. If I'm working I'll drink 4-5 (Eventually I will stop being a regular drinker--building up a caffeine tolerance just makes coffee a pointless expenditure, but I need to pick the right time to detox). I like to take it with a fair amount of milk. So I put the usual amount into 3 cups, and damned if they weren't possibly the 3 best cups of coffee I've ever made for myself. Verdict: We're good here.

2) Cereal. No matter what day it is, if I have gone through it having eaten one bowl of cereal, that is below average. I did have the aforementioned chocolate almond milk on cereal, but it was on Cocoa Puffs because I wanted to see if I'd have a stroke (I didn't). These days I favor what Cesspool refers to as "cereal that looks like bark", which is mainly Mueslix and the like (since Claudio Castagnoli has inspired me with all his Swissness, despite being a Bruderschaft schweinhund). I used the Silk on a bowl of Mueslix AND Cheerios. Good on both, better on the Cheerios somehow. I think it's because they are more absorbent. Verdict: A-Ok.

3) Straight Up. I always have some with dinner and also elsewhere in the day, as the opportunity presents and the mood strikes. How's this stuff do on its own? Well, this particular brand was vanilla-flavored, which may account for the almost excessive richness. Usually I'll have a pint glass with dinner, but with this stuff I just filled a highball glass. If you swirled it, it streaked down the sides like brandy. Even though it wasn't even half as much, it seemed exactly the right amount--I just took it in sips rather than gulps. Verdict: Fine, but exploring other options.


I went through a full quart on Saturday. That carton ran something like $2.65. Typically I'll go through a gallon every 2-3 days or so, and those don't even cost $4. So manifests a significant concern for Project UMB--how much more will it cost to eat? Ironic that abstinence may prove more expensive than indulgence. And yet, maybe that's a matter of perspective--perhaps "professional" vegans see it as a privilege well worth the money, thankful to be spared the fate of being a greater pestilence on the world around them. Hmmmmmmmm.

I'm going back to Bethlehem this weekend for Musikfest--that means vegan donuts!

Distressingly Excessive Zeal On The Part Of The TSA

It is November of 2009. The BDK angle has been steadily building for months at this point, and the wave is about to break. Ever since he used the Eye of Tyr to take control of Delirious, UltraMantis Black has been confronted by strange masked men dressed in white who seem to want something from him, and bizarre transmissions have been ominously directed towards him:





This brief promo is from "Throwing Life's Instructions Away", the penultimate show of CHIKARA's 2009 season on 21 November in Easton, PA. The relentless harrassment by his mysterious adversaries is finally beginning to take a toll on UMB, and he begins to see peril around every corner [0:24!]

Most Devious? Deviousest?

Courtesy of UltraMantis Black's twitter feed, I have learned that VegNews Magazine has opened the voting on the 2010 Veggie Awards, billed as "the largest survey of its kind in the world" (you don't say). Straightforward enough online survey, there's a bunch of categories for vegan/vegetarian restaurants/stores/foods and the like. It's multiple choice, but every category has a write-in option. Aside from checking the Vegan Treats box under "Bakeries", the rest of my votes were write-ins, and I think you can probably guess for what (or rather, whom).


And you, you should vote too! Because there's a grand prize drawing for all submissions, and you can win THESE FABULOUS PRIZES! HARVEY, TELL 'EM WHAT THEY'LL WIN!

"Well, Marc, for their grand prize they'll win a Global Getaway, able to jump on a VegNews junket of their choosing! Probably India or rural Japan or some such, kind of like Anthony Bourdain but I'm guessing with slightly less narcotics ingestion! For first prize, they'll get a Year's Friggin' Supply of Daiya Cheese! So THAT'S how they make vegan pizza!"

"Two lucky people will be chosen to receive a Vegan Marshmallow Smorgasbord, by which they are going to find out exactly how much sugar the human body can consume before violently shuddering to a halt!"

"Three wishful thinkers will be the recipients of a Veg Cookbook Collection, produced entirely by 2009 Veggie Award Winner Robin Robertson, who I'd say has written the last word in Veg(itari)an Cooking, if I for one second believed that such a word will exist before the sun explodes! This will include signed copies of Quick Fix Vegetarian, Vegan Fire And Spice, 1,000 Vegan Recipes, Vegan On The Cheap, and Party Vegan!"

(No joke, I think this might be my favorite prize.)


"And five fortunate so-and-sos will be the proud new owners of a Tofu Press Kitchen Tool, whatever the hell that is! I even read the description of it and am still not completely sure how it works, but my best guess is that it is a veg(itari)an sausage grinder! Just cram a lot of vegetables and spices and such into it and watch the magic happen!"

This Needs To Happen More Often

The Kentucky Gentleman Chuck Taylor, and the Great and Devious UltraMantis Black, the two greatest rudos of their era, united at the commentation station during "Motive, Means, and Opportunity" on 21 February 2009.

Let's Up The (M)Ante Here

I've been thinking of doing this for a while, and I think I'm gonna go ahead with it and stretch the formal beginning of Project UMB back to September 20, the first Monday after my birthday. This will give my body even more time to adjust, and plus make my birthday a bigger deal. It will probably become something of an orgy of meat and dairy (aren't they all?) like a Mardi Gras for this unseasonal Lent. Things on the list for the celebrations might include Fogo de Chao and Friendly's Grilled Cheese Burger Melt.


Isn't It Dangerous For Him To Use DDTs?
The CHIKARA wrestler currently known as Dasher Hatfield was not always Dasher Hatfield. For years he was known as "Create-A-Wrestler", in homage to the feature included in all wrestling video games these days where you can design your own grappler from scratch.

The way the gimmick worked was very innovative and fan-friendly. At the start of each season, fans were asked to send in suggestions for what CAW's gimmick should be for that season. The booking office would take the best suggestions and put them up for a vote, and CAW would adopt the winning entry until the end of the season, when his "memory card" would be "formatted". Past identities assumed by CAW include MosCOW, the communist bovine:

and Ultimo Breakfast, the masked master of the morning meal:

Anyway, sometime last season (or poss the one before?) his latest gimmick (Dasher Hatfield, the Old-Timey King of Swing) got so popular, they wrote in a "fusebox accident" to make his "memory card" "unformattable" and so he remains in that character today, teaming up with Sugar Dunkerton to form The Throwbacks:

So anyway, here's a special update from 2007 where a bunch of CHIKARA stars chipped in with their votes (MosCOW won that year). It's all good stuff, but I've set the video to begin at UMB's segment where he, ah, hilariously describes the reasons behind his choice.

Oh, the ladies. AND the insects.

Apple Pie? Such Filth!

I don't really have too much of a sweet tooth. I mean, I'll eat all that stuff, and every once in a while I get a legit craving for some kind of ice cream dealy, but for the most part the foods I enjoy the most are of the salty variety. All the same, the coming dietary shift could result in a change of preferences in that regard. And even if it doesn't, well...can't be too careful. As far as prepared foods go, options are going to be pretty damn few, so the more I know the better.


Which brings us to Vegan Treats, a vegan bakery founded by Danielle Konya and located in my hometown of sunny Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.





I'd heard of this place before, opening a few years ago, and like most of the rest of my flesh-rending brethren and sistren I thought the mere idea of baked goods sans eggs or dairy was about the most futile, to say nothing of potentially unappetizing, culinary endeavor I'd ever heard of.


It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I was home visiting, and on my way out of town I picked up my comrade Destro (from the old Terrordrome days, and I just might post there again) and we gave the place a rip. I had this apple crumble cheesecake, and I am not kidding when I say that it easily put to shame any dairy-and-poultry-derived dessert I'd ever had.


It's the reason why such a small operation delivers its products weekly to huge cities along I-95 including New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington, DC. Ms. (possibly Mrs? Wouldn't be surprised) Konya's vegan creations have been specifically requested by such global luminaries as Alicia Silverstone, Darryl Hannah, Gwyneth Paltrow, Joan Jett, Rory Freedman, and Dennis Kucinich. Them's some tall cotton, brother. Or at least some skinny cotton.


Apparently people are known to plan their lives around the delivery of Vegan Treats' donuts...I wonder if Bryce Remsburg is now one such person. In any case, I'll be back home in a couple weeks, and I'll probably pick up a few. And rest assured, I will tell you all more about those vegan donuts. Also, Czech out this sweet merch. That is badass. If I don't get one for my birthday I'll have one very shortly afterwards.

I Have A Nickel And I Need Psychiatric Help

I was going to edit this thing, until I realized that there isn't a single second of this promo I don't love. It's taken from UltraMantis Black's recently-disbanded stable, The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple's debut back in 2007 at "Showdown in Crisisland" in Wallingford, CT. Dig everyone's grooving at the outset (especially Hydra over there on the left). Dig UMB's usual genius delivery. Dig Crossbones hitting the ominous low noise at the end, and UMB's resultant BRILLIANT SKULL CHOREOGRAPHY.

EDIT: Dig also, during the close-up on UMB at the end, the sound of what I believe to be Hydra going for a high five, and everyone leaving him hanging.

EDIT EDIT: Upon closer inspection, Hydra is just sad that there isn't going to be any more Charlie Brown Christmas dancing.

Have a great weekend, everyone! (anyone?)

Tell Me More About This Vegan Hoagie

Right, so anyway, after the show last weekend, I and my compadres (Zandar and his brother) stopped into the South Philadelphia Taproom for some post-show vittles. I was fricking starving from having eaten (and subsequently not held down) three Fritos all day. Being pretty determined to enjoy a feast of mammoth proportions (no mammoth on the menu, unfortunately), I started rifling through the menu and compulsively ordering anything that struck my fancy.


I ordered some wild boar tacos that were really damn good. It's possible that these might otherwise appear on a menu as "pulled pork tacos" but let's not split hairs. I'm sure they put some really wild basil or something on it.


Following that I looked at their sandwich section, and they had a really appetizing-looking burger that had a six-or-seven-word description, uh hang on...here it is: "100% LOCAL GRASS-FED BEEF BACON CHEESEBURGER" How does that grab you, carnivores?


And yet, there, above it, was a modest two-word offering: "VEGAN HOAGIE". Underneath, in italics, the ingredients were listed as "grilled tempeh, marinated mushrooms and tofu mayo". Yeah, I really wanted that burger. But fresh after that awesome show, and shaking hands with the inspiration for this madness, I guess I figured that maybe I should catch a glimpse of the kind of grub that awaited me a couple months down the road. Plus, what the hell is tempeh, or tofu mayo for that matter?"


I ordered it with a side of macaroni and cheese, which I suspected might raise an eyebrow or two. Sure enough, when bringing it out, the food runner did ask me whether I was aware that cheese wasn't vegan. A conversation grew out of this, in which she explained that she herself had been a vegan for years. What brought her back? A hot dog stand in a Home Depot. Inspired, I also ordered a hot dog. It wasn't that good.


As for the hoagie? Not bad, I'd have to say. The tempeh kind of impressed me as lightly-fried cornmeal (Wikipedia tells me it's cake-ified soybeans). The tofu mayo was, frankly, indistinguishable from real mayo (which I admittedly rarely eat anyway). A recipe online says it's made from silken tofu, white vinegar, salt, dry mustard, and sugar. I didn't finish the whole thing but that's because I was totally stuffed by that point, and a shame it is because they had a nice-looking dessert menu.


Oh and hey, last post featured a pic of the Rocky Run. Here's a video of same! So sad I missed out.

A National Treasure...Nay, an INTERnational Treasure!

Sunday I attended Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Show. Big, big day.


I unfortunately was a late scratch for the first annual CHIKARA Rocky Run up the Philadelphia Art Museum steps. I had taken a number of head bumps the previous evening and wasn't feeling so hot, in stark contrast to the temperature outside, which was about 5000 degrees Rankine and humid enough to swim through. I was positive that adopting a pace quicker than walking would end in disaster. Which was a shame, because from the pictures it looked like quite a fun time:




(Image from chikarapro.com)


But I took a bunch of tried and true home remedies, and was in fighting shape by about 1:30, when Zandar and I rolled out towards Souf Philly. Clearly I underestimated the dedication of other CHIKARA fans because when we got to the ECW Arena at 2, there were about 40-50 people already there, hanging out in front of the closed gates. As was befitting custom from the old ECW and new ROH, we'd brought along a couple of adult beverages to enjoy while we waited. While nobody actually said anything, there were looks thrown our way, and when folks started wheeling in water and, yes, juice boxes, it became clear that the stark differences between CHIKARA and other promotions do not end at the ring ropes. Oh, and in the parking lot, tailgating activities included such things as 6-person Clue played on the hood of a car. A different breed, these fans.


I got in with the rest of the Chikarmy and shoulder-blocked my way to the merch tables, and scored a healthy pile of UMB stuff...including, of course, THE MASK! White on black, and despite my huge frickin skull it fits fine, although there'll be a good bit of exposed head in the back. No worries. So, phase 1 complete!


I understood that the wrestlers often ran their own merch sales so I half-expected to get to buy things from UltraMantis Black directly, but he had delegated to a subordinate prior to the show. At intermission, however, the man(tis) himself appeared to pose for photos and sign autographs, and as he had warned, he was not alone!





So I got to shake hands, get a number of glared/blurry iPhone photos with him, and shower him with superlatives, which he accepted modestly yet majestically. Amidst my gushing I completely forgot to ask how poor Crossbones is doing. Speaking of, I wonder who his new hooded goons are. Also, I thought his garb for the day very Peronist. Given the increasingly populist tone of his blog posts over at chikarapro.com, the descamisado look works well. ¡RUUUUDOOOOO!


I also met my 2nd-favorite rudo, Chuck Taylor, and bought one of his shirts (which is sure to get over with the LOST crowd). I mentioned to the Kentucky Gentleman that I was a big fan of his training video and tried to incorporate the regimen as often as possible. He laughed and mentioned that not only did it serve to carve him out of wood, but he'd gotten college credit for making it:





As I hope this post has clearly demonstrated by now, the stars of CHIKARA are very friendly, approachable, and all-around cool.


I won't go into great detail on the action itself, but it was just amazing fun from start to finish. We got to sit really close, and along the entrance "ramp", so I got a few good high fives. At the very first match, I tried to take one picture, it came out crappy, and I decided it was stupid to waste a great seat like that by trying to take pictures the whole time instead of yelling and high fiving--no sense in being too busy capturing memories to be able to create any.

CHIKARA and their official DVD creators/distributors Smart Mark Video, to their unending credit, also carried out the Herculean task of getting the DVD of Chikarasaurus Rex available the VERY NEXT DAY. Mine's already been shipped.

Another post soon on the dietary aspect of Project UMB. For the wardrobe aspect, the mask is acquired. Next up: the robe.