All right, and now, the villain's (rudo's?) exposition. This is going to be a long post. Where to begin...
With Italian Magic Cards, You Can Play It As An Instant
Halloween might be my very favorite holiday of all. There's bracing fall air, and candy, and women everywhere may dress as sluttily as they like without the fear of being branded a tramp. All well and good. But the real fun for me is The Costume. I have to spend most of the year keeping my overly-fantastic imagination in check, but on that holiday I can indulge, selecting a new identity and assuming it as fully as possible.
In recent years I've been favoring video game characters. Last year I went as Ryu from the Street Fighter games, but mostly they're a bit more obscure, including Dan Smith (Killer7) Travis Touchdown (No More Heroes) and Albert Wesker (Resident Evil).
This year, I'm taking it in a bit of a different direction.
Is That An Inverted Fantastic Four Logo?
So I'm a fairly avid pro wrestling fan, but in recent years I've become somewhat bored and jaded with the mainstream offerings of WWE and TNA. With the exception of some standout moments from C.M. Punk, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels and a couple others, it's pretty forgettable stuff. In fact, the most fun I've had with mainstream wrestling lately has been watching the Hogan-Bischoff-Flair TNA regime just crash and burn and explode, giving us absurd, contrived, flash-in-the-pan plot twists and the unending laughable booking of Hulk Hogan as
A) FAR stronger than everyone else on the roster,
B) possessed of Solomon-like wisdom and jurisprudence, and
C) NOT an ego-driven front-running cancer to all that is pro wrestling in the last 20 years.
I hear they are negotiating to bring in Paul Heyman to be head booker. I'm almost disappointed because without the Russonian typewriter monkeys running that aspect of things, it'll become the same rushed-yet-boring mediocre paste that WWE is for the most part, seeing as how they've got 2 hours a week to somehow maximize their massive roster of buried indie talent and WWE substance abusers. What's a disenfranchised wrestling fan to do?
Happen across the magic that is CHIKARA PRO.
I won't spend too much time describing it, as it's really something that everyone should experience for themselves. One could describe it as comic-book superhero lucha libre. It's based in southeastern Pennsylvania, but lately they've been doing shows as far north as Massachusetts and as far west as Michigan. They don't do shows too often (once or twice a month), and have no TV contract, but every show is put out on DVD (with sweet unique cover art) and they support the events with weekly podcasts, promos, and updates (available on youtube). I think the booking and storytelling is great, and the action itself is top-notch. It has really reinvigorated my love of pro wrestling.
The Great And Devious
So, it stands to reason that this year for Halloween, I'm already planning on assuming the mantle of my favorite character from CHIKARA--and that would be the Malevolent Mastermind, the Angry Insect Evildoer, UltraMantis Black.
UMB is one of the founding members of CHIKARA (est. 2002) and, following a brief initial period as a tecnico (babyface/good guy), he turned rudo (heel/bad guy) and is the most senior villain in CHIKARA's locker room. I am resisting the urge to go into a full career bio at this point, but I've already given you the resources to Czech that out if you are actually interested.
What you need to know is that, as a model for a Halloween identity, UMB is without peer. Behold his garb and visage as he displays his olde-timey eloquence in pursuing his agenda:
And treat your ears to his brilliant and insightful color commentary on CHIKARA matches:
So you see, UMB is quite the total package when it comes to imposing spectacles. And as such, I can adopt no other identity for Halloween!
Stinkoman 20X6 Would Back Down From This
But this undertaking will truly be a challenge. In the first place, there is hardly anything commonplace about the wardrobe--specially designed mask, robe, the skull staff, etc. But the superficial trappings are really only part of it.
For you see, UltraMantis Black is vegan.
Nothing odd about that, in itself. Lots of people are vegan. Other pro wrestlers, even. Brian Danielson, widely regarded by smarks everywhere as the world's best, is himself a vegan. But the difference here is that veganism is actually a part of UMB's gimmick (as is cleverly done with the whole "insectoid" bit). (10/12/10 EDIT: Or not? Mantae are super-carnivores, as a couple of entomologists have told me) Observe:
So it is that I cannot truly attempt this undertaking by simply maintaining the outward appearance of UltraMantis Black, but rather that I must, as he implores fellow commentator Bryce Remsburg in the video above, "Live it!"
You get the gist. In order to method-act the hell out of this one-night-only (well, maybe two or three nights only, we'll see what the party schedule looks like) performance, I am going to adopt a vegan diet for the entire month of October (8/2/10 EDIT: Scope stretched out to the span between 20 September and 7 November). This will require a great deal of research and mental, physical, and psychological preparation. Since, as of now, I am a pretty big fan of eating dead animals of every stripe, I anticipate the experience will make those two Lents during which I quit smoking seem downright orgasmic.
Nevertheless, I'm excited for the challenge. It'll be great to have such an involved activity to shake up the sediment of life for the next couple of months. I look forward to learning many things I would not otherwise have learned, and almost certainly gaining a new perspective, or several. Not to mention a thing or two about the limits of the human body. Who knows, I might even wind up sticking to it (though that possibility is a remote one). But most importantly, I look forward to Halloween, when I'll be paying ultimate tribute to one of the most entertaining characters in pro wrestling today.
UltraMantis Blog
So the purpose of this blog is twofold: firstly, so that I have a firsthand account of the experience to laugh and shudder at for years to come; and secondly to make the whole experience known to others, so that failure to persevere is compounded by the threat of public humiliation.
Forward!
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